Thursday, February 21, 2013

Burning lungs and possible changes

ugh...I tried my 25/5 again and tonight was a real testament to how fucking hard derby gets when you can only skate once a week. I made 16 laps in something like 3:30ish before I had to stop or puke on the track. My lungs are still hurting and burning, but at least I can't taste stomach acid anymore... This is one of the first nights I've been there that several of the rostered girls were also there and I got a hug from one and some of the others were asking how I was doing and what was up. My derby wife and our team captain asked me what I was planning to d to stay involved while I wasn't skating and suggested that maybe I should announce until I get back to a point where I'm ready and able to bout. I'm considering it, but I want to get my shit together before I say I will do it. I would much rather be skating and that will remain my ultimate goal. I'm finding that as I start to deal more with my mental illness in a way that is going to be healthy and constructive that I have more support than I ever thought I would from both family (derby and otherwise) and one of my jobs at the very least. Not to mention the wonderfully special person in my life whom I would be lost without...<3 I was incredibly depressed when I got home tonight but as I'm settling down and starting to get tired enough to sleep I'm not feeling too bad. Pretty mellow. I will be getting back into the habit (or trying to) of posting regularly. Love and comments are appreciated. Crazy derby love, Dixie von D.

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