Wednesday, May 4, 2011

*sigh* and more *sigh*

So last week I felt like a freshie. This week I just felt like I sucked. Booya BooTay from Hellgate Rollergirls in Missoula, MT was down to visit family and she came out to practice with us. I adore her and am sad that we only get to skate with her like once a year. She's really sweet and kind of intimidating to me, but that's because most people who are better skaters and not on my team intimidate me...I really need to get over that.

I fell countless times, kept taking other people out (in a bad way) kicked Susan B. in the cooch (i'm sooooo sorry), and had a panic attack on the track. I don't even know what triggered it. I do know that being the goat sucked...I'm clearly one of the least maneuverable and agile girls on the team and it really shows. Right now I'm frustrated and sad and contemplating giving up derby because I just don't feel like I can do it anymore. But I love it so much and I know that I can be myself around the women I skate with and they never put me down even when I suck and I put myself down so hard. I dunno what to do. I dunno if Dixie Von Doom is gonna make it. I just feel like I'm lost and floundering at derby right now and I'm afraid that with our first home bout coming up I will do something that screws the team up...royally. Just not feelin the love tonight...

Dixie von D.

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