So my skates showed up and last night was the first time I got to ride them...it was like starting over from scratch because they are SO different from the rental skates. I still don't have pads and my new skates don't currently have toe stops. Difficulty ensued. I'm pretty sure that one of our coaches thinks I'm an absolute fat-ass moron who shouldn't be there and that doesn't help. Of course, I could be wrong and a lot of the time I am about things like that because I always assume that people don't like me. Bad habit I know.
Suffice to say that I was almost in tears several times last night and I hate myself a little bit for it. I'm tired of my crazy trying to ruin my life. All the treatments I have tried only made things worse in the long run though. Are there any others out there who fight major anxiety/panic disorders and have had issues getting it together? Is it just me? I cannot be the only big girl who has ever had issues, but I might be the only one who has it this bad...IDK.
Ordered toe stops for my skates that I'm praying will arrive before next practice and hoping that I can pick up at least part of my pads before then as well. Went for a walk/jog with hubby earlier today and I'm exhausted. But I'm slowly getting into better shape. It's just going to take time and I feel like I don't have enough of that. Also, drooling over new wheels because the rock speed ones that came with my skates are too slippery for the tile we skate on. Unfortunately I don't have the money for new wheels so if anyone has ANY suggestions for giving them a bit more grip I would love to hear them. Srsly hoping to get my rebels for x-mas!!! But...yeah...that's been about it. Anxiety over my size and weight and skills and everything that I'm not great at. Oh...and my legs hurt today from working on a backwards drill. LOL DL<3