family and roller derby

So some of my family members seem to think that I'm crazy for playing roller derby. Hubby is supportive and my parents think it's cool. My favorite aunt doesn't mind that I play, but she's worried about me getting hurt. That's what pads are for I tell her. I have people wanting to see video of practices cause they live far away. I think if they were closer they would come watch...not sure how I would feel about that. When I told my father in law that I was doing this, he looked at me and very calmly said that roller derby wasn't appropriate and that I shouldn't be doing it. Now for this to come from the man who goes deer hunting and squirrel hunting with me and has told me that I can do whatever I decide I want to do without reservation it was a bit strange. My mother in law had no idea what caused the odd response so we chalked it up to him not wanting me to get hurt and left it at that. I rarely bring up skating when he's around. I mentioned to him recently, though that I had been skating for a month or a little over and look I'm fine. He just looks at me and then looks down at my legs to see if he can spot any bruises. I have one by the way and it's almost gone. lol Nothing else was said, but I'm hoping maybe he'll relax about it and once we start bouting come and watch. I'm going to his and my MILs 4th anniversary party today though so off to get ready. Anyone else have a family member who reacted in a way that seemed to be completely off kilter for them? DL<3

Dixie D.

Success

So I got toe stops to replace the dance/jam plugs whatever they were. And now I can stop! I got all my padding and gear. I'm less worried about bricking myself! So I hit the floor last night and am noticing some improvement in my endurance. 20 laps wasn't so bad, although I didn't do the 15 following or finish the 10 and 5 after that. It wasn't all endurance issues. Cause somehow I've managed to skate for weeks without pads and be pretty much OK. Last night I fell and twisted my knee wrong...managed to do it twice so this AM it has been kinda stiff and sore and definitely swollen but not too bad. Second time I stopped was gunk on my wheel almost taking me out repeatedly. Took out one of the other girls during a drill and that was fun. Fell once not too hard and faceplanted trying to get back up from said fall. I laid in the infield laughing my ass off at myself. Also, met another one of the skaters on our team who suffers from anxiety issues like I do! The anxiety part is not good, but I'm SOOOO glad to know I'm not the only one that might freak out! It made me feel tons better knowing I'm not alone. Ummm...IDK what else I had for this post cause practice last night rocked...Oh I ruined a brand new pair of tights on a fall. I was pissed cause I just bought them! Grrrr!! I need cute tights in my big(plus size and trying to be proud of it!) Getting used to the super fast not much grip wheels but still want something softer for now. But I'm broke so I'll stick to my purple speed freaks and either get used to them or just eventually get new wheels. Whatev! Off for a nap and stuff and spending time with hubby DL<3

Dixie D.

More Practice and More Anxiety

So my skates showed up and last night was the first time I got to ride them...it was like starting over from scratch because they are SO different from the rental skates. I still don't have pads and my new skates don't currently have toe stops. Difficulty ensued. I'm pretty sure that one of our coaches thinks I'm an absolute fat-ass moron who shouldn't be there and that doesn't help. Of course, I could be wrong and a lot of the time I am about things like that because I always assume that people don't like me. Bad habit I know.

Suffice to say that I was almost in tears several times last night and I hate myself a little bit for it. I'm tired of my crazy trying to ruin my life. All the treatments I have tried only made things worse in the long run though. Are there any others out there who fight major anxiety/panic disorders and have had issues getting it together? Is it just me? I cannot be the only big girl who has ever had issues, but I might be the only one who has it this bad...IDK.

Ordered toe stops for my skates that I'm praying will arrive before next practice and hoping that I can pick up at least part of my pads before then as well. Went for a walk/jog with hubby earlier today and I'm exhausted. But I'm slowly getting into better shape. It's just going to take time and I feel like I don't have enough of that. Also, drooling over new wheels because the rock speed ones that came with my skates are too slippery for the tile we skate on. Unfortunately I don't have the money for new wheels so if anyone has ANY suggestions for giving them a bit more grip I would love to hear them. Srsly hoping to get my rebels for x-mas!!! But...yeah...that's been about it. Anxiety over my size and weight and skills and everything that I'm not great at. Oh...and my legs hurt today from working on a backwards drill. LOL DL<3

Dixie D.

Skates!

My skates arrived yesterday and I have to say that I think I did pretty good. They aren't the Sure Grip Rebel Invader that I REALLY, REALLY want. However at the price of less than $30 and in almost new shape I think a pair of Rock Speed Freaks in the (apparently) discontinued purple flame design is a good deal. The wheels are still new enough that I can see the grooves on them and despite some signs of rust the bearings spin well enough for now. New laces are $2.00 at my local Walmart and the little toe plugs won't be too much to replace. If I can get several months out of them while I save for the Rebel Invaders that'll be fine with me. And once that happens I'll slap some outdoor wheels on this pair and be all set. Next on my agenda is acquiring protective gear from Suburban Blend which will hopefully occur soon cause I know that the longer I skate without any padding the more my risk of injury grows as I put myself out there week after week. Luckily, when I learned how to skate as a kid I also learned how to fall and don't have anything more than a few minor scrapes and bruises.
Also, the article in the local indy newspaper finally hit print and I can't find a paper copy anywhere! But here's the web link! I'm the tall, goofy one on the end wearing a Pink Floyd shirt. I hate having my picture taken...*grumble* DL<3

Dixie D.

Progress

Yay for progress! If it would happen faster I'd be happier, but good things take time...or so I've heard. Patience is NOT one of my virtues. My blood sugar got wonky on me at practice because I didn't eat well enough apparently and I missed out on a chunk of things, but I did notice that my form is improving and my back muscles are getting stronger and not hurting. And...this made my night...I'm starting to figure out crossovers!! I'm not consistent and I feel like I might fall over doing them, but I'm going to blame part of that on wearing crappy rental skates! LOL I really need to start pushing for endurance and going harder and faster and I think changing my eating habits and upping my exercise levels outside of practice will do that. And for the commenter who appears to be my derby twin (hi Bash!!) I can't get up without using my hands either. One more thing to work on. Gotta get those core muscles toughened up! Hopefully my skates will arrive by next week and I can start monkeying with them to get a set up I'm happy with. Any advice from the veteran skaters out there is always welcome! DL<3

Dixie D.

Anxiety hits harder than any derby girl ever could

So I've recently started practicing for derby and had been doing very well about getting out and exercising and trying to build my endurance when not at the rink. However, the last practice was incredibly difficult and very hard on me and my out of shape fat ass. It inspired feelings of inadequacy that I thought I left behind when I left middle school. It reminded me that I am fat and out of shape. It made me freak out and almost panic in front of the entire team about not being good enough. It made me not want to workout at all this week(my allergies aren't helping either!) Practice is tomorrow night and I'm already nerved up about going.

It figures my freak out fit comes after I've purchased skates..lol Roller derby is something that is supposed to help me deal with my anxiety and body issues and here I am fighting it still. Over roller derby no less! *sigh* This is incredibly frustrating to me. I don't want to give up. I keep saying I won't give up. I push and push, but I feel like I'm not progressing and that I'm fat and don't belong. But it takes time and I have to remember that it takes time and if I keep at this my anxiety should ease up and I will find that I'm getting better. In the meantime, there might be some anxiety related derby rants going on.


Dixie D.

Gear

So I've already mentioned the ideal pair of skates that I want and am leaning towards 187 pads and a good CPSC rated helmet. I also want to get toe guards and more athletic style clothing that will be comfortable for skating in that I don't have to be concerned about permanent rink stink or getting destroyed while I skate. I don't think I'm missing any absolute necessities here and have actually made an Amazon wish list to keep up with anything and everything I want and/or need. Wheels, bearings, pads...if I can find it on Amazon and it might be cool/useful/necessary/wanted etc. it's going on my list so I don't lose track of it. If anyone has other suggestions for items that I may be missing, let me know!

Dixie D.