Monday, March 11, 2013
Gym Wednesday, Derby Thursday, slacking off Friday and Saturday (bad Dixie), back at the gym Sunday and again this morning (Monday). I will get back to where I need to be, then I will get better. It will take time, hard work, dedication, and sometimes sheer stubbornness. Tomorrow will be an off day for sure because I know that I need at least one a week and because I will literally have so much going on between errands before job 1, dinner between jobs, and job 2 that doesn't set me free til 11 that I don't know when I would workout and still sleep. So I will take a break and rest tomorrow. Then Wednesday I am gonna go right back at it. I can either go to a spinning class, zumba class, kickboxing class (or all three) or I can go a bit later and do my cardio/circuit that I've been doing. At some point I want to try the classes, but I'm so anxiety ridden about going to gym yet as it is that I think it may have to wait for a bit. I'm resisting the urge to step on the scale every time I set foot in the place...that will only make me be a freak about the numbers and I don't want to do that. I just want to be a better me and play a better game while I'm at it.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
So it's early March and I'm finally starting my gym routine as of tonight after work. I will be skating on Thursdays and Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday will be gym days. Monday and Tuesday are days that I work at both of my jobs and therefore have become rest days, although I can picture myself stopping at the gym on the way home if I have had a rough day at work and just need to chill for a bit and zone out with some cardio. I will probably chuck a pair of leggings and a t-shirt in my car just in case that happens. I'm still upset about not being able to skate more than once a week, but I'm trying to focus on being able to use that time for the gym and getting stronger, better, faster, and when I go back to derby full-time being able to just destroy the endurance laps (that are stupid anyway given the nature of HOW derby is played, but that's another issue) and being able to lay down hits like Beyonslay (I can dream!!) I am hesitant to set goals in relation to losing a set amount of weight or gain X amount of muscle mass or what have you simply because if those goals do not happen as quickly as I would like them to I am far more likely to get discouraged. However, I DO have an awesome support system outside of roller derby and I have someone who will see things about me that I won't see and will point them out to me when I struggle. So when I'm fussing that I haven't progressed or that I feel fat or whatever I have a constant source of reassurance that I will need some days. And this is in addition to what my teammates and other leaguemates will tell me if they see progress as well and I'm sure they will tell me if I look like I'm losing fat/gaining muscle or if I seem faster or meaner or whatever. One day, one mile, one lift, one squat, one workout at a time. I will handle my mental health issues, I will improve my physical health, and I will keep going even on days when I don't want to. That doesn't mean that I won't backslide or struggle, but it does mean that I might have a day when I just want to cry and stay in bed and I might do that as long as I get up the next day and keep going. Just. Fucking. Skate. Dixie von Doom