Monday, September 27, 2010

Is it just me or does anyone else love that almost, but not quite hurty sensation you get after a crazy good workout, whether on or off skates? I love it! Also, strecthing after a hot shower feels sooo good.

Dixie von D.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

9/22 practice

Last night was a hellacious night. We were missing a couple of regular girls, but also had quite a few newbies and are consistently averaging 20 or more each week which is awesome for a small area like ours! One of the new girls is a coworker of mine and she is hooked even after a nasty spill with no pads that left her knee instantly black and blue.

I'm finding that I can see improvement in my skating somewhat and while I still haven't mastered the turn around to go backwards I can kind of sort of sometimes halfway do it. I will get the hang of this or die trying. Also, I felt like practice last night was easier than it had been in a while, but several of the other girls said they felt like it was a harder practice than usual. Could I be gaining endurance? LOL I fell more last night than I have in a while, but I wasn't feeling nearly so anxious last night as I have been in weeks past and less anxiety means less self consciousness and less self consciousness means I skate harder. Using the outdoor wheels has also helped improve my leg strength and if they had a bit roll I could almost be OK with skating a bout in them.

Lotsa endurance work last night, several falls including one that several people thought was particularly nasty, an almost guaranteed bruise on my right hip that will take days to show up, and a successful paired slalom run that ended with a wicked whip for my partner and a sliding fall for me cause whipping her threw me off balance, but everyone gave me props for it anyway. Jumping is not my friend and I need to work on it off skates as well as on skates from a stand still so I can get more used to the landing and how it should feel to have them sturdy underneath me instead of rolling out and falling. Overall it was a good night and it was really nice not to have that constant feeling on not being good enough hanging over my head. DL<3!!

Dixie von D.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Ramblings of a Derby Girl

Just got around to ordering a set of nuts and washers for my toe stops (finally!) and also finally got my anxiety meds and started them tonight. Here's hoping it helps and helps soon. Now if I can just manage to get some indoor wheels I'll be doing alright I think...

Trying hard to stick with exercising and cross training outside of the rink, but I'm not in really good shape yet, but getting there, so a lot of the aerobics and basic things are kind of hard for me and after seeing that I don't seem to have lost weight (maybe I replaced it with muscle?) trying not to get discouraged. But I am noticing that my endurance continues to improve so that's good at least.

Next weekend is the East Region WFTDA Playoffs AND a WCR v TXRG game, both of which will be broadcast on DNN and I'm gonna watch as much of it as I can. Not missing the WCR/TXRG game!!! Period! Gotta cheer on my home state against my third favorite city! Still looking for agility training tips and will be really glad when I don't want to cry over EVERYTHING!!! Happy? Yep, I'm tearing up. Same for excited, tired, sad, angry, depressed, awake, asleep, etc. I almost had an anxiety attack over a movie trailer earlier...And now that I've gone and gotten all off track I'm gonna end this and go do something that isn't sitting at my computer! DL<3!!

Dixie von D.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I was an absolute mess at practice last night. My anxiety had gotten really bad and consequently I was having a hard time focusing and skating and therefore sucked worse than I normally do. And I cannot get the hang of turning from front to backwards, which also means that I cannot do a tomahawk stop. We have a bout coming up in November and I'm really starting to feel like I won't be ready and that makes me even more anxious. What if it comes down to the simple fact that I'm not good enough and eventually get asked to leave the league?

There was one high point and that was during the one and only jam I got to skate that lasted all of 45 seconds and that was making a sandwich of the opposing jammer who is really freakin' fast and an awesome skater. If I hadn't had a teammate on the other side of me I think she'd have taken a pretty hard hit and that would've made my night.

All the girls I skate with are super supportive and most know by now that I have a severe anxiety disorder that I'm trying to treat (which is another story, insurance is giving me issues on it), but breaking down in tears on the track every few weeks is really getting old and sucks a lot. I'd love to know what people say about me behind my back.Hopefully nothing, but finding a group on non-catty women is pretty rare. I simply assume there's got to be one or two and try not to dwell on the whole thing. *sigh* I feel like such a freak.

Monday, September 13, 2010


So, as new skater I wasn't in really good shape when I started showing up at practices. Actually I was in really bad shape and that shape would be round. And I hate to exercise, which meant that up until very recently the only exercise I was getting was on my skates. I'd been putting off trying to start adding general aerobics and some jogging and whatnot to my routine. And as it is starting to cool off I may continue to put off jogging, unless I can make it to the indoor track here and now...I hate jogging and running. A lot! More than I hate doing lunges and sit-ups and crunches, and just about every other form of exercise I can think of. So, here I am a brand new skater, overweight, out of shape, and still working to improve. Also, I do not have as firm of a grasp on the WFTDA rules as I would like to have. AND I have a bout coming up in about two months.

Even though the bout is a fundraiser/exhibition (and not say for WFTDA rankings or a regional championship; Congrats WCR!!!!) I want to be at my best for it and skate as strongly as I can. Which means I need to step it up a notch. I'm really self conscious about exercising in front of people, but when hubby leaves for work I grab my iPod, plug in the speakers, and start my own regimen of free weights, cardio, aerobics and just trying to move and get my heart rate up as best I can. I'm trying to find ways that I can train off skates that will improve my skills on skates and am determined to make this happen. Even if right now I can only do like 5 push ups, and grapevining leaves me tripping over my own feet I will get there. I don't want to look like Melissa Deal or some of the fitness models out there, but not having a gut would be nice; even making it smaller would be nice.

So here goes. At least three times a week I will devote a minimum of twenty minutes to exercising. It might be a boring jog/walk, it might be freestyle dancing in my living room, it might be a mix of free weights and aerobics, and I might try to pick up some Zumba DVDs or the Heart Attacks workout (want this one for sure!), but I will start exercising and I will get better at derby, gain some muscle, lose some fat and bust my ass getting there. Who knows...maybe it will help my anxiety too. DL<3!

Dixie von D.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Derby News Network

So Thunda on the Tundra is this weekend and I've finally managed to get everything ready and set up so I can watch live streaming from It makes doing schoolwork bearable, but it keeps me from leaving my computer and doing housework. If you wanna check it out, go tune in, and cheer on your favorite teams!!!DL<3

Dixie D.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Fundraising bout!

So got a txt from Cannonball a few hours ago and the exhibition/fundraiser bout is scheduled to be on the 24th of November. I'm soooo there and so ready to be skating. As I mentioned I'm going to be cracking down and training harder; I did not expect to be bouting quite so soon and I need some skills to be ready! DL<3

Dixie D.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

practice 9/8

Practice last night was awesome!! I threw some outdoor wheels on my skates and I am definitely feeling the difference today, but I had grip and didn't feel like I was gonna bite it every time I tried to turn a corner! I didn't skate as consistently on them but my form was better with more grip so I think they balanced out a bit. And definitely good for my endurance. I will probably keep them until I can get a good set of indoor wheels for our floor. Hopefully soon...stupid Radar stuff being on back order...being patient sucks.

Anyway, my derby direction crossovers were there, going backwards sucked, and I finally survived a slalom drill that has been pretty much impossible cause I'm sliding so much. Also, one of the girls commented that I seemed much more comfortable and natural on my skates last night. Because I had GRIP! Got whipped across the rink as well and what a freaking blast! That alone makes me want to be better and better so that I can eventually start learning to jam. But for that I need SPEED!!! Any advice for increasing speed? DL<3

OH!!!! And we are looking at possibly having an exhibition bout in November!!!!!!!!! I will be ready to sk8!

Dixie D.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


So I'm not entirely sure if I like Dixie Disintegrateher as much as I initally did and am having issues with the length and whatnot. So I've started polling friends, family, everyone on facebook, and now here for name suggestions. These are a few that have come up. I want to keep Dixie for sure and stick with another D word or something that is both punny and kinda dangerous/cool/angry etc. Any suggestions, opinions, or other comments are welcome. Please help?!

Dixie Disintegrateher
Dixie Devastateher
Dixie Demon(ic)
Dixie Dominator
Dixie Doom
Dixie Destruction
Dixie Decapitator
Dixie Destroyer
Dangerous Dixie
Devious Dixie
Dixie D.
Devilish Dixie
Dixie Von Doom

Also, I did not check these at so if there are any similarities or whatnot it is coincidence and I'm not trying to gank anyone else's name. DL<3

Dixie D.

Monday, September 6, 2010

can't believe i only just realized this

So I'm awake, home alone, and have had several hours to kill before work. Down to one last hour and just now eating breakfast it dawns on me that I've just had the last 2 hours to myself and after I checked the news and the weather for the day I've just been kind of puttering around. Why the hell did I not do something useful with my time?? Surely I could fit in some strength training or cardio...duh! I HATE to exercise is any way that isn't fun, but I know that if I want to keep getting better at derby I need to do more than just skate. And I've been going for walks with hubby and doing a halfhearted bunch of crunches here and there, but I really need to work on my exercise habits. I stumbled across a training blog that might help encourage me(except what the hell is a speed skater jump? an arm twist? inverted rows? and several other exercise that I have no idea on...) and I want to get my hands on the Heart Attacks work out video, plus start actually using the weight set that I already have. And honestly, I guess this post is just more procrastinating of exercising, but I also can't exercise and eat a bowl of oatmeal at the same time either. Looking forward to practice on Wednesday, probably going to see Machete on Friday, and just trying to survive the days without anxiety attacks. Any other suggestions or advice for work outs, particularly if they're fun, is welcomed. DL <3

Dixie D.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Minimun Skills

I just pulled up the WFTDA minimum skills requirements to go over them again and send the link to a friend who is looking into starting derby (with Big Easy RG, I think) and as I scanned through the document it dawned on me that I am getting better at some of these things and can actually do some of them! The first time I looked at the requirements I wanted to cry out of sheet terror that I was never going to learn how do any of them and now I can. My emotions are running haywire and now I wanna cry again, but it is because seeing the skills list and realizing that I can do some of them means I'm getting better!!! And that makes me happy enough to cry...I'm freakin' strange...DL <3

Dixie D.

Size doesn't matter

Classes have recently started back up and being an online student really is a big help in letting me manage my time and schedule when I will study and do coursework etc. As part of the get to know you activities I've shared with many of my classmates that I play roller derby. One of the responses was that I must be a "tough chick", which I'm inclined to agree with because I think I'm a bad ass (even if I'm not). However, you don't necessarily have to be the stereotypical idea of a big bruiser bar fighting kinda girl. In fact, I'm the only woman on the team who weighs in at more than about 160 or so and even in skates I'm taller than quite a few of the girls. These smaller girls might or might not be able to knock me over, but they are generally faster than me, which means that if I don't get my hits just so they go flying by, unscathed and scoring points. Of course, there are times when I do snag a shot on someone and I'm usually pretty concerned about causing them serious injury and really don't want to see anyone hurt. I felt terrible the other day when I knocked someone down during a drill and felt bad about the jammed finger incident from a couple weeks ago as well, but everyone is fine and no grudges are being held. Anyway, I sort lost my train of thought, but what I want to point out is that you don't have to be a big girl to play derby; you'll find that being small has its advantages too. :) DL <3

Dixie D.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

anxiety and practice

Forgive me if I post a lot about my anxiety these days, but it's kind of trying to take over EVERYTHING! I'm starting to feel like I've hit rock bottom and it is affecting my daily life, my work life, my interactions with my husband, and my performance at practice just to name a few (or everything).

Last night I was really anxious the entire way to the rink and it didn't want to go away. A few laps to ease in helped me out, but after a while I got all ramped back up again. I've found that if I get really nerved up I'm less effective as a skater and in those circumstances I feel like it is best if I sit out for some drills because I don't want to end up hurting myself or someone else due to a lack of focus and/or skills. And actually I did knock into one of the girls last night during a basic skating drill, but it was less anxiety and more I suck going on. She was OK, I was OK, everything was good, but after I hit her and thought I hurt her (or that she was mad at me) I skated a few more slow laps and all I could think about was how I hope she's not hurt and if I were better I could've avoided that and omg what if she hates me now...aaaaggghhhh!!!!

Anyway she's fine, I'm fine, it's all good, although last week when I smashed one of the girls into a wall she jammed her finger. We were laughing over it last night and I asked if she'd like me to give her a better injury next time. She opted to pass. LOL I love the rough and tumble aspect of things and I'm getting over being too worried about hurting people who are like half my size. One of them actually skated into my head last night...literally. I shoulder checked someone else and got caught up in a traffic jam that resulted in me taking knees and she was right behind me when it happened and on my knees I hit at stomach height for her. Personally glad for my helmet cause I think a ribcage to the brain has got to hurt; of course, helmet to the ribcage can't be awesome feeling.

Still improving on my backwards skating and still hoping for new wheels sooner than later. I did score some cheapie bearings off of eBay for less than $5 and considering the ones I currently have are old and rusted these will have to be better...Also, our former asst. coach showed up to check things out last night. I may have mentioned feeling like he disliked me in previous posts and whatever, but he did comment that I have made a tremendous improvement, along with the rest of the girls so that was a nice thing to hear.

And in order to help with this anxiety hell that I'm currently going though I made an appointment to try more meds to get me fixed cause as much as I hate pills, I hate talking about it to a therapist even more. Besides, roller derby will save my soul!!! DL<3

Dixie D.