Saturday, July 31, 2010

family and roller derby

So some of my family members seem to think that I'm crazy for playing roller derby. Hubby is supportive and my parents think it's cool. My favorite aunt doesn't mind that I play, but she's worried about me getting hurt. That's what pads are for I tell her. I have people wanting to see video of practices cause they live far away. I think if they were closer they would come watch...not sure how I would feel about that. When I told my father in law that I was doing this, he looked at me and very calmly said that roller derby wasn't appropriate and that I shouldn't be doing it. Now for this to come from the man who goes deer hunting and squirrel hunting with me and has told me that I can do whatever I decide I want to do without reservation it was a bit strange. My mother in law had no idea what caused the odd response so we chalked it up to him not wanting me to get hurt and left it at that. I rarely bring up skating when he's around. I mentioned to him recently, though that I had been skating for a month or a little over and look I'm fine. He just looks at me and then looks down at my legs to see if he can spot any bruises. I have one by the way and it's almost gone. lol Nothing else was said, but I'm hoping maybe he'll relax about it and once we start bouting come and watch. I'm going to his and my MILs 4th anniversary party today though so off to get ready. Anyone else have a family member who reacted in a way that seemed to be completely off kilter for them? DL<3

Dixie D.

Thursday, July 29, 2010


So I got toe stops to replace the dance/jam plugs whatever they were. And now I can stop! I got all my padding and gear. I'm less worried about bricking myself! So I hit the floor last night and am noticing some improvement in my endurance. 20 laps wasn't so bad, although I didn't do the 15 following or finish the 10 and 5 after that. It wasn't all endurance issues. Cause somehow I've managed to skate for weeks without pads and be pretty much OK. Last night I fell and twisted my knee wrong...managed to do it twice so this AM it has been kinda stiff and sore and definitely swollen but not too bad. Second time I stopped was gunk on my wheel almost taking me out repeatedly. Took out one of the other girls during a drill and that was fun. Fell once not too hard and faceplanted trying to get back up from said fall. I laid in the infield laughing my ass off at myself. Also, met another one of the skaters on our team who suffers from anxiety issues like I do! The anxiety part is not good, but I'm SOOOO glad to know I'm not the only one that might freak out! It made me feel tons better knowing I'm not alone. Ummm...IDK what else I had for this post cause practice last night rocked...Oh I ruined a brand new pair of tights on a fall. I was pissed cause I just bought them! Grrrr!! I need cute tights in my big(plus size and trying to be proud of it!) Getting used to the super fast not much grip wheels but still want something softer for now. But I'm broke so I'll stick to my purple speed freaks and either get used to them or just eventually get new wheels. Whatev! Off for a nap and stuff and spending time with hubby DL<3

Dixie D.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

More Practice and More Anxiety

So my skates showed up and last night was the first time I got to ride was like starting over from scratch because they are SO different from the rental skates. I still don't have pads and my new skates don't currently have toe stops. Difficulty ensued. I'm pretty sure that one of our coaches thinks I'm an absolute fat-ass moron who shouldn't be there and that doesn't help. Of course, I could be wrong and a lot of the time I am about things like that because I always assume that people don't like me. Bad habit I know.

Suffice to say that I was almost in tears several times last night and I hate myself a little bit for it. I'm tired of my crazy trying to ruin my life. All the treatments I have tried only made things worse in the long run though. Are there any others out there who fight major anxiety/panic disorders and have had issues getting it together? Is it just me? I cannot be the only big girl who has ever had issues, but I might be the only one who has it this bad...IDK.

Ordered toe stops for my skates that I'm praying will arrive before next practice and hoping that I can pick up at least part of my pads before then as well. Went for a walk/jog with hubby earlier today and I'm exhausted. But I'm slowly getting into better shape. It's just going to take time and I feel like I don't have enough of that. Also, drooling over new wheels because the rock speed ones that came with my skates are too slippery for the tile we skate on. Unfortunately I don't have the money for new wheels so if anyone has ANY suggestions for giving them a bit more grip I would love to hear them. Srsly hoping to get my rebels for x-mas!!! But...yeah...that's been about it. Anxiety over my size and weight and skills and everything that I'm not great at. Oh...and my legs hurt today from working on a backwards drill. LOL DL<3

Dixie D.

Sunday, July 18, 2010


My skates arrived yesterday and I have to say that I think I did pretty good. They aren't the Sure Grip Rebel Invader that I REALLY, REALLY want. However at the price of less than $30 and in almost new shape I think a pair of Rock Speed Freaks in the (apparently) discontinued purple flame design is a good deal. The wheels are still new enough that I can see the grooves on them and despite some signs of rust the bearings spin well enough for now. New laces are $2.00 at my local Walmart and the little toe plugs won't be too much to replace. If I can get several months out of them while I save for the Rebel Invaders that'll be fine with me. And once that happens I'll slap some outdoor wheels on this pair and be all set. Next on my agenda is acquiring protective gear from Suburban Blend which will hopefully occur soon cause I know that the longer I skate without any padding the more my risk of injury grows as I put myself out there week after week. Luckily, when I learned how to skate as a kid I also learned how to fall and don't have anything more than a few minor scrapes and bruises.
Also, the article in the local indy newspaper finally hit print and I can't find a paper copy anywhere! But here's the web link! I'm the tall, goofy one on the end wearing a Pink Floyd shirt. I hate having my picture taken...*grumble* DL<3

Dixie D.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


Yay for progress! If it would happen faster I'd be happier, but good things take time...or so I've heard. Patience is NOT one of my virtues. My blood sugar got wonky on me at practice because I didn't eat well enough apparently and I missed out on a chunk of things, but I did notice that my form is improving and my back muscles are getting stronger and not hurting. And...this made my night...I'm starting to figure out crossovers!! I'm not consistent and I feel like I might fall over doing them, but I'm going to blame part of that on wearing crappy rental skates! LOL I really need to start pushing for endurance and going harder and faster and I think changing my eating habits and upping my exercise levels outside of practice will do that. And for the commenter who appears to be my derby twin (hi Bash!!) I can't get up without using my hands either. One more thing to work on. Gotta get those core muscles toughened up! Hopefully my skates will arrive by next week and I can start monkeying with them to get a set up I'm happy with. Any advice from the veteran skaters out there is always welcome! DL<3

Dixie D.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Anxiety hits harder than any derby girl ever could

So I've recently started practicing for derby and had been doing very well about getting out and exercising and trying to build my endurance when not at the rink. However, the last practice was incredibly difficult and very hard on me and my out of shape fat ass. It inspired feelings of inadequacy that I thought I left behind when I left middle school. It reminded me that I am fat and out of shape. It made me freak out and almost panic in front of the entire team about not being good enough. It made me not want to workout at all this week(my allergies aren't helping either!) Practice is tomorrow night and I'm already nerved up about going.

It figures my freak out fit comes after I've purchased Roller derby is something that is supposed to help me deal with my anxiety and body issues and here I am fighting it still. Over roller derby no less! *sigh* This is incredibly frustrating to me. I don't want to give up. I keep saying I won't give up. I push and push, but I feel like I'm not progressing and that I'm fat and don't belong. But it takes time and I have to remember that it takes time and if I keep at this my anxiety should ease up and I will find that I'm getting better. In the meantime, there might be some anxiety related derby rants going on.

Dixie D.

Thursday, July 8, 2010


So I've already mentioned the ideal pair of skates that I want and am leaning towards 187 pads and a good CPSC rated helmet. I also want to get toe guards and more athletic style clothing that will be comfortable for skating in that I don't have to be concerned about permanent rink stink or getting destroyed while I skate. I don't think I'm missing any absolute necessities here and have actually made an Amazon wish list to keep up with anything and everything I want and/or need. Wheels, bearings, pads...if I can find it on Amazon and it might be cool/useful/necessary/wanted etc. it's going on my list so I don't lose track of it. If anyone has other suggestions for items that I may be missing, let me know!

Dixie D.

Practice with Tuesday Hula last night at practice one of the QCRG skaters came down. She ran the entire practice the way they do it for a full endurance run. Suffice to say that my fat ass is fat and slow. LOL After a while I started getting really anxious because it was like being in school again where I was the worst player out there and always teased and picked last. Except the girls weren't picking on me; I could just remember that feeling so strong and my anxiety levels crashed through the roof especially as I kept skating until I couldn't breathe and had to stop and not being able to breathe will ramp my anxiety up even higher. Sometimes the anxiety thing is a no-win sitch.

Anyway after the 30 minute warm up that left me feeling puky and gross for a while I finally managed to get my stomach under control and headed back out on the floor for a few more drills. I feel like overall I didn't skate for more than an hour, but the whole time I was out there I was pushing hard, but I feel like not hard enough just because I'm sooo slow. Honestly I cannot go any faster and maintain my footing or a good stance. I know with time that this will improve, but it was still hard last night to see everyone absolutely skating laps around me. I wanna give a huge shout out to Jenga for being so encouraging ,especially during the cascade drills that were really fun, but exhausting all the same. Also, pretty short haired girl in the purple top who's name I cannot remember. When I started feeling really down ya'll both were awesome. Looking at getting a pair of cheapie skates off of eBay until I can afford the expensive pair that I want. I figure they've got to be better than rentals.

OK, so back to practice. Tuesday is amazing and awe inspiring and I really want to be like her. She's strong and fast and skates like she was born with wheels on her feet. I think seeing that and then comparing my own bumbling skating skills was a bad idea, but I did it without ever thinking about how it would affect me. Duh...We did serious endurance training and even some of our stronger girls were running hard and feeling pretty wiped so that made me feel a tiny bit less sucky. Wall sits aren't too bad, except they cramp my toes into my skates and make them hurt, but skating off the wall after holding that sit for a couple minutes is rough. Eventually it left me a bit shaky and I did fall, but it was nothing major. I need to work on my recovery time getting back up from falls though. Also, exercises for strengthening my back as I'm finding that after an extended amount of skating in a low derby stance I start to ache and it makes me want to straighten back up and skating straight gets you knocked on your ass in derby. And that was about it for me because as much as I want this I'm simply not in the shape I need to be in for it. Which means I've got to keep pushing and not let my anxiety get to me the way it did last night. I still can't get the skating backwards thing, but no worries there because eventually if I keep trying enough my feet and my head will figure it out and think oh that was easy what took so long...*shrug* Anyway that was my night and it gives me a lot to really work towards and improve upon and I know I'll get there, even if it's not happening as quickly as I'd like for it to. Any advice and suggestions are more than welcome cause this derby newb needs all the help she can get.

Dixie D.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Practice, exercise, and research

I want to practice. I look forward to it. I can't wait to skate and get this excited bundle of nerves feeling every week cause I know I get to skate that day. I love it! Even if I am using rental skates and I do kind of suck compared to some of the others. I'm not terrible, but I do have major endurance issues and I already feel like using the rental skates is holding me back. But I show up every week and bust my ass, (even if I do argue with our coaches!) and I will improve and be as good as Cannonball and the others who have been doing this longer than I have. It's simply not in my nature to give up or quit.

It is in my nature to get whiny and/or pissy on a regular basis, particularly when I'm working on something difficult or frustrating or simply annoyingly boring. Two of those things are things we've been working on in practice: skating backwards and jumping.
I never learned to go backwards and I'm having a hell of a time doing it now. I've seen others do it. I understand how they're doing it. I can''t get my feet to do it. They won't even move like they're supposed to so I can turn from front to back. It sucks and I'm debating spending some quality time @ the ice rink because I can always apply skills from ice to wheels and it will help me stay in shape and it's fun. LOL
Jumping I can do. Landing the jump? Not so much. But that part is mostly in my head because I did manage to land a jump at last practice only to fall the next time I tried it and the mental block on that one snapped up so fast it made my head (metaphorically) hurt. I think as my skating skills improve that block will naturally fall, but until then it is going to drive me bonkers. Also, wearing pads will help, although I generally have decent form when I do fall. I know all about falling cause I'm a klutz! And I'm ready for practice again!!!

Exercising has never been my thing. Which means that after I quit playing sports as a teenager I quit exercising. I'm in pretty lousy shape. Derby is motivating me to change that and I'm smart enough to start out kinda slow rather than just throw myself into running miles at a time. The added bonus to getting in shape is that my husband will walk with me when we are both free and that means extra time spent with him. We have silly conversations about what we'd do if we had an infinite amount of money. Even though I'm not pushing super hard I've already started to notice an improvement in my endurance during skating and it can only get better with time. Maybe for variety I can throw in some weight training here and there, even if it does bore me to death. It might help with my jumps. LOL Any other good exercise suggestions would be welcome also.

While I'm not at practice on my rentals and exercising to get myself in better derby shape I'm researching things like gear and skates and reading up on rules and doing as much as I can to prepare myself for when we actually start playing bouts and whatnot. I think I've found my skates, have definite ideas about knee, elbow, and wrist pads, and know about helmets and a mouth guard is easy. Now I need to move on to really learning the rules. I know how the game is played, of course, and I have a basic grasp of the rules, but don't necessarily know enough about penalties or other aspects of the game. Also, I will be checking out strategy for all positions and training for all positions. I will probably focus on being a blocker for a while, but eventually would like to be skilled enough that I can jam if need be.

Roller derby is taking over my life!

Dixie D.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Numero Uno

I'm sure my post titles will become more or less creative as time passes, depending on the day. But for now this is post number one. I started skating when I was kindergarten or first grade during the monthly parties @ Skating America. I was never one of those kids who did crazy tricks and I could not (and still cannot) skate backwards, although I'm working on it.

I did actually play derby though. We formed pick up games that lasted until the rink owner realized what we were doing. The rules we played by were wrong I'm sure and we didn't know what a penalty was, but bouncing one another around and off of the rink was a blast. Hearing "Centerfold" every 5th or 6th song...not so much.

Now I'm all grown up and (still) towering over a lot of my friends and family and when I caught wind of the derby resurgence I was hooked. I searched the web for all the info I could find and eventually decided my little town needed derby. At the time, it didn't agree and nothing came of it. A year or so later here we are finally starting to get a small league off the ground, courtesy of a couple of awesome ladies who decided it was gonna happen!!! I've survived my first two practices without pads and with rental skates and am ALWAYS ready for more. Also, this is motivating me to get my butt in shape and my husband is walking and jogging with me which has the added bonus of giving us extra time to spend together.

Hopefully as our league progresses and my skill grows I'll have more to share, but for the moment I'm going to focus on acquiring my first set of skates which will be the first set of skates on this page. In red leather, with black wheels and toe caps. And a good set of pads which I should be able to get my hands on at our local skate shop, owned by our coach. Yay!!

Dixie D.